Sometimes, we’re our own worst ‘frenemy.’ It can be so tempting to set a goal to improve ourselves, but then fall short after we make bad decisions to reward our hard work with something we’ve sworn off.
For example, maybe you’ve been trying to achieve some fitness goals. You set a plan to walk each day after work and eat healthier meals. You’re off to a great start – until the temptation strikes to eat a whole pint of ice cream after dinner one night, or snack on candy to get through a mid-afternoon slump at work. When you’re tempted to give in to temptation, don’t give yourself permission to do it “just this once” because you’ve been doing well up to that point and working hard during exercise. That’s called “moral licensing,” and it’s a trap.
It’s human nature to treat ourselves when we feel we’ve already done something good. But that approach can end up getting out of hand, and leading us to make self-defeating choices. If you find yourself sabotaging your goals this way, try the following approaches instead. (And keep in mind, many of us are working toward health and fitness goals, but these steps apply to any goal you want to set. Whether you’re trying to be more productive at work, save money, or learn a new skill, all of the following ways of thinking will help you get there.)
1) Keep things manageable. The steps to reach your goals should be doable, not a grueling slog of misery that makes you feel deprived and unhappy. Don’t set yourself up to fail by setting the bar so high that you can’t reach it. Worse, don’t punish yourself by setting goals that force you to live in ways that leave you drained. Instead, take small steps that you can enjoy – maybe that means scheduling shorter workouts, still eating your favorite foods in smaller portions, or just checking one item off your to-do list – and feel good about your changes.
2) Don’t try to schedule your goals. It’s a dodge to think that you’ll start eating better on Monday, and then binge on chips and gooey cheese all weekend long. Your goals are a lifelong commitment, so treat them that way. Every time you act in a way that aligns with your goal, you’re taking another step to be the person you want to be.
3) Change the way you think about what motivates you. Doing better is NOT a punishment for being lazy, or too self-indulgent. You aren’t trying to be “good” to compensate for some kind of weakness. Instead, you’re just taking steps to get to a better place. When you change how you think about the process, it stops being such a struggle – and you’re not tempted to “cheat.”
4) See yourself as the person you want to be. This applies to fitness, professional goals, and relationships. If you aspire to something, then start acting as if you’re already that person. Make it a part of your identity. Ask yourself: What would a fit, productive, happy person do – and then do that. Feelings and outcomes follow actions, not the other way around.
5) Stay consistent. Why would you want to reward yourself with a treat that reverses your hard work? Instead of exhausting yourself with the endless questions and doubts about whether or not something is okay “just this once,” make your new healthy habits a routine you don’t even have to think about. If you’ve already broken your resolve, don’t put off starting again. Start now.