You’ve probably heard numerous discussions on the importance of forgiving others. But, what is often neglected in these conversations is the need to forgive yourself. Forgiveness isn’t just for others. It’s also for you.
People make mistakes – small ones and big ones. Mistakes happen. But what you do afterward matters. You can let those mistakes rule your thoughts and cause you to fall into a cycle of shame or you can find a way through it.
The first step is recognizing the wrongs you’ve committed and feeling the guilt. Guilt isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it means you know what you did was wrong. That’s good. But, we can’t live in guilt or it will eventually become a deep-seated issue that doesn’t allow us to become better or move forward. You need to take time to work through these feelings.
Consider why you may have done what you did. This doesn’t mean condoning your actions, but rather just trying to understand what may have prompted you to act the way you did. Understanding what may have brought you to this point will help prevent you from making the same mistakes again. It will also help you better understand yourself and allow you to forgive yourself as well.
Know that your past actions don’t define who you are. You may have done a bad thing, but that doesn’t make you a terrible person. You need to separate the action from who you are. The action was wrong, but that doesn’t mean that you are inherently bad. It just means you made a mistake.
Consider what you have learned from the mistakes that you’ve made. Often mistakes help us grow and become better versions of ourselves. We need to look at these as opportunities to learn something so we can move forward.
If you’re really struggling to forgive yourself, consider journaling your feelings and trying to reframe negative thinking into positive. When you have negative thoughts like “I’m worthless” you can write it down, then cross it out and write “I have value.” Tell yourself nice things in the mirror every day to help you formulate more positive self-talk.
Sometimes talking with a therapist or support group can be helpful as well. They can help you work through these issues and speak positively when you’re in a negative spiral.
Pray and confess what you’ve done wrong. Ask for forgiveness and be willing to accept it. Know that Jesus came to save everyone, including you. Allow this concept to soak in and continually remind yourself of this fact.
It’s not easy to forgive yourself. It will take time and you may need to do it over and over again. Just keep trying, you will get there.
[Monalisa Johnson is a licensed and ordained minister of the gospel and a certified life coach as well as a mother and entrepreneur. In no way is anything that she writes, speaks or shares considered medical advice or clinical therapy. Consider all that you receive to be life coaching and guidance.]