I recently visited a children’s museum. The sweetly sticky smell, laced with the slight hint of Clorox-tainted water, greeted us as we entered. The happy chatter of children’s voices combined in to one rolling sound punctuated occasionally by a fitful cry or shout.
We settled in to an area with several train tables laden with wooden train tracks, magnetic train cars and faded wooden trees and animals. As soon as the pudgy hands of my two-year-old tentatively reached out for a locomotive lying in a heap of discarded pieces, a curly-headed toddler aggressively moved forward and snatched the piece from his hand. Using her body as a shield she gathered all the pieces and then hovered, watching us out of the corner of her eye. Expecting some guidance from a parent on the benefits of sharing I was met with a mom sitting on a nearby bench absorbed in the glowing screen of her smart phone. She missed the exchange. So, we dried some tears and tried again.
This time we plunked ourselves down by a model of the African safari complete with zebras, a warthog and a mama elephant with her baby. My little guy started loading the animals on the flatbed of a rustic truck perfect for the outback. It was all set to go, the wheels were just starting to move when the sound of running feet approached. On to the Africa tundra stepped the tennis-shoe clad feet of another toddler. Down came the little hands snatching and grabbing and pulling the animals from the truck. Away went the truck clasped in the hands of the retreating visitor. Once again I looked for parental help. The mother followed her toddler, mumbled a sorry in our direction and left a dropped cell phone in her wake. That was all the evidence I needed.
Of course I am not naïve enough to expect perfection from toddlers. Especially when it comes to the virtue of sharing and taking turns. That is a learned skill. Which, I guess, is kind of the point. If a parent is so absorbed in a virtual world on a phone that these teaching opportunities (not to mention the truly magical moments full of wonder) in the great laboratory of social situations between toddlers go by unnoticed, where will the teaching happen? Now, before I mistakenly accuse these moms, I recognize parenting is hard and it’s not possible to catch every single moment. But, surely in today’s technology-centric world there are some ways we as parents can try to be a little more present.
I loved this take on this subject from Swapna Thomas over at Parentous.
“How often have we found ourselves so busy with the household stuff that we can’t pause to play ball with our kids or build a fort? How often are we immersed in the fabulous and dynamic online world, responding to the tweets and Facebook messages as they come while our children long to tell about the fantastic story they heard today? How often have we snapped at our kids for bothering us while we were blogging well ironically, about them?”
She had five great ideas that were a part of her New Year’s Resolution on being more present with her child. Perhaps a hidden benefit of following her sage advice is that in addition to a more content (and well-behaved!) child, you just might find a happier and more peaceful mommy and daddy. Oh, and an added benefit? Lots of cuddle time with your little ones in your favorite Minky!
Be there: Often we feel the urge (or really need to) multitask and juggle a hundred things together but I will strive to just focus on my child when I spend time with her. No more tweeting while pretend playing.
Be happy to be there: You can spend all the time in the world with your child but if you are not feeling happy about it then it is absolutely worthless. I will always be enthusiastic and happy about being able to be with her.
Be a listener: As a mom I am always telling my daughter to do this, etc. I need to take a backseat and let her do the talking sometimes. I will make sure to listen to her point of view on things and look at her perspective.
Be Offline : I don’t mean just the internet but I will reserve some time with when the phone will be off (silent or on vibrating doesn’t count), TV won’t be in the background, Xbox will not be considered a bonding time and the iPad won’t be used as a babysitter.
Be a Child : We often forget to be a child while raising one. I will play silly games, make a mess, have a pillow fight, huddle under a tiny blanket and remember that my daughter will always treasure these moments over anything else I might do with my time.