It’s gut-wrenching when local law enforcement officials publicly reveal another heinous case of child abuse that’s occurred within your own community. And, tragically, there is no community in the U.S. that has been left untouched by this social disease.
Usually, the devastating consequences of abuse become apparent when an older child or adult finally unveils the dark secret that has tortured them for so long. The scars it inflicts strike at the very heart of a child’s being, reshaping what may have been a promising destiny to one of long-term pain and suffering.
Child sexual abuse occurs in churches, schools, and playgrounds, yet the biggest enemy to fighting child sexual abuse is the overwhelming desire to hold on to the notion of the “normalness” of our lives. We want to believe our families, our houses of worship, and our neighbors are normal.
Yet child predators are not normal, even though they often cloak themselves in the most normal-appearing guise they can feign. When a heinous case of abuse is finally revealed in the news, the gut response is to vilify the perpetrator. But that does little to heal the wounds. Often, the public will never know the full truth, as was the case in 2012, when Tom White, Executive Director for Voice of the Martyrs, committed suicide after learning he was accused of molesting a young child in his church.
There are so many cases in which a child discloses the abuse, but others cannot reconcile the horrifying disclosure with the alleged accuser’s demeanor. Those facing charges often appeared to be the most upright, caring people in the community.
We all want to live in a normal world, in which things happen as expected. We are wired to interpret the bizarre in such a way that we preserve the “everydayness” of our lives. So we explain away our suspicions, because it makes us feel safe to do so. It’s hard to live with fear day in and day out. So we tell ourselves it’s O.K. Our gut may tell us there’s something wrong with the neighbor’s child, but we don’t want to intrude. And therein is the problem.
While it is a heinous thing to falsely vilify another, it is just as heinous to ignore even the softest voice that gives a hint not all is well for a particular child. We don’t want to intrude, but that intrusion may save a life. So, be a nosy neighbor. Read up on the signs of child abuse. Don’t go on a witch hunt, but if you suspect any kind of child abuse, call law enforcement. Don’t worry about being wrong. You may be right. And remember that real molesters don’t often appear frightening, scary or weird. They look like the nicest folks in the world, except that they’re not.