Most parents worry their kids will be bullied at school — and for good reason. Not only do bullied teens suffer for years after adolescence, but the damage to their self-esteem can last a lifetime.
But what about the bullies? Turns out, being a bully has lasting negative implications as well. Besides not wanting their child to inflict pain on others, parents should be worried about their kids being bullies for their own sake. According to research, kids who bullies others engages in other risky and violent behaviors during adulthood. Their also more likely to do the following:
- Abuse alcohol and illicit drugs as teens and adults
- Get into physical fights, vandalize property and drop out of school
- Engage in sexual activity at a young age
- Have a criminal record as adults
- Be abusive in future relationships
In other words, teenage bullies never learn to be effective problem-solvers as adults — they resort to verbal or physical abuse to communicate.
So why do some teens become bullies? According to this expert, teens turn to bullying to solve social problems. It’s easier to push people around than it is to control emotions and solve problems.
That being said, how do you know if your child is bullying his or her peers? Although you would assume that you would be contacted by your child’s school, or perhaps by the victims’ parents, that often isn’t the case. Most cases of bullying go unreported. Here are some warning signs that your teen is bullying others:
- He or she gets into physical or verbal fights
- He or she has friends who are bullies
- He or she exhibits aggressive behavior
- Your teen inexplicably has extra money or new belongings
- He or she tends to blame others for his or her problems
- Your teen doesn’t take responsibility for his or her actions
- Your teen is overly competitive and concerned with his or her popularity.
If you see these signs in your teen, take action. Ideally, you want to start talking to your child about bullying at a young age. Be clear that there is a zero-tolerance policy for forcing people to do things they don’t want to do, or for calling people names.
Then, make your child accountable for his or her actions. Don’t get sucked into any excuses that might be made. Bullies see the world in a way that justifies their bullying. It’s important to remember that they really believe they are justified, and that it’s your job to challenge that thinking. Help your child to recognize and process his or her emotions productively, and teach him or her how to compromise and manage conflict. Role-playing stressful situations could help your teen better manage impulses.
Finally, if you know your child is bullying others, enforce appropriate consequences for their behavior. Also use the experience as a learning opportunity — discuss what could have been done differently, and how a similar situation should be handled in the future. Most importantly, don’t ignore the behavior or write it off as a teenager being a teenager. Bullying has serious consequences for both the bully and the victim.