First we celebrate Thanksgiving, then Hanukkah and Christmas. No matter what holiday traditions we celebrate during the fall and winter months, most of us are planning to spend time with loved ones – and sometimes that includes attending parties and dinners attended by difficult family members.
This year, give yourself the gift of a less stressful, more joyful holiday season with these tips
to deal with the difficult people in your life! Gretchen Rubin, author of the best selling book The Happiness Project, offers some great advice for how to deal with difficult relatives at Thanksgiving dinner. Here’s a quick overview of her tips. They’re great for any time you’ll be trapped in a room full of well-meaning but obnoxious people!
Make a plan ahead of time. Most often, you’ll already know what to expect from these people. Maybe they trigger your insecurities or act in ways that always irritate you. Think about how arguments get started and what causes tension. (Dad likes to argue politics? You know Mom’s going to ask when you’re getting married / start a family? Sister is generally passive-aggressive? Brother is always overly competitive?) Decide how you’ll sidestep inappropriate comments by redirecting the conversation to safer topics. Feel free to excuse yourself for some reason any time you’re too uncomfortable. Also plan out how you’ll avoid offending each of the other guests.
Don’t overeat or drink too much. Now is not the time to let it all hang out! You want to feel like you’re in control and at your best around difficult people because that’s when you’re most likely to be sure of yourself and less defensive. You’ll be uncomfortable if you overeat, and if you drink too much, you might just make the gaffe that starts the argument. Alcohol might seem like a great way to blunt the impact of difficult gatherings, but too much might lower your inhibitions and bring out negative emotions. So just don’t go there!
Stay in the moment. The holidays are supposed to be about gratitude, traditions and spending time with people we care about, right? So just do that. Remember that it doesn’t have to be perfect. Every time you start to feel stressed out and overwhelmed, take a breath and just watch what’s happening without judgment – including yourself. Then let it go. Instead, try to be grateful that you’re included, be patient with yourself and others, and maybe even be grateful that you only have to do this once per year. (Having a sense of humor is critical for these situations!)
Happy holidays!