Child abuse: Those two short words are truly inadequate to capture the immense pain and suffering that arises from maltreatment. Whether it’s at the hand of a parent, a relative or a total stranger, appalling rates of child abuse are intolerable. Yet, despite the efforts of child advocates, law enforcement and school official,s who work diligently to prevent this tragedy, the numbers of victims continues to mount.
Here are four reasons why preventing child abuse has proven to be such a pernicious problem.
- A lack of healthy boundaries. Some families have poorly defined boundaries, which increase the risk of child abuse. For example, a five-year-old may unwittingly assume a role as Mommy’s mental-health care provider. Obviously that’s something a young child is ill equipped to handle. Or, a youngster may not tell anyone about his mother’s chronic episodes of alcohol abuse due to a sense of embarrassment. Often times, the child will take on caregiving role, because he feels validated in knowing that he is taking good care of a parent.
- A retreat into shame. If sexual abuse is occurring in the home, a crushing sense of shame may keep a youngster from disclosing the abuse until well into his or her adult years. This phenomenon often proves quite shocking to those who are not well acquainted with the complex dynamics that plague survivors of long-term childhood abuse.
A bystander is captivated by the ordinary. Often, when a neighbor, a relative or another person suspects something may not be right, a potential whistleblower may have a difficult time accepting the cognitive dissonance. Outward appearances are often completely at odds with reality. Yet, we see again and again, people will justify even obvious signs of child abuse as something incongruous with what they know about a particular family. It’s a preventable tragedy when those systems are twisted into protecting the security of the perpetrator. The willingness to discount the seemingly ordinary appearance and dig a little deeper into what may be going on behind closed doors could save a child’s life.- A charming demeanor fools the caregiver. A practiced child abuser will expend much effort, often spanning a period of many years, to ensure the abusive relationship continues. When caretakers miss the subtle signs that something is awry, a child may be molested over and over again.
What is the answer to this epidemic of child abuse? It may well be a willingness to believe the unbelievable, particularly when obvious signs are present. Even if an allegation of abuse seems totally at odds with what you believe about the person’s character, any claim should be investigated until no doubts remain. Call your state’s social services agency or law enforcement. It is better to err on the side of caution than to allow a secretly abusive relationship to bloom into a child’s garden of prickly and thorny sorrows.