Losing is never fun. And it’s certainly never easy.
You put in endless hours practicing, studying and conditioning week after week of the season. And when that hard work doesn’t pay off in the “W” column, it can be a hard pill to swallow. This is the case whether it’s one game, all games or the championship game that’s lost.
Clichés about losing abound: it’s just a game; winning isn’t everything; it’s how you play the game that matters. These words rarely comfort the players and coaches who end up with the short of the stick, but here’s the thing — they’re true.
There’s no shame in losing. And certainly, losing is better than cheating to win. People often say kids should play sports because of how much it can teach them about navigating life. And sometimes in life, you lose. Even when you work hard, even when you give everything you have, even when you want to win so bad. But what’s the most important lesson to learn from losing? The answer to that question can be debated, but learning to lose with humility and grace definitely sits near the top of the list.
So how do you do that? How do you smile through tears, dust the dirt off your uniform, and wish your opponent well? Here are some tips.
- Don’t retaliate. Even if your opponent celebrates their victory a bit too much or openly gloats, resist the urge to lose your temper or respond with violence or profanity. Take the high road and be the better person by congratulating them on their victory.
- Don’t play the blame game. Maybe a player made a mistake that cost your team the game. Maybe the coach’s plan didn’t work. Perhaps a ref made a pivotal — and wrong — call. In the end, realize that one play or call doesn’t lose a game. A game is the sum of everyone’s effort and execution. Knowing you lost as a team can help soften the blow, as long as you resolve to not let the disappointment divide you.
- Give your opponent credit. Take a cue from Detroit Tigers’ manager Jim Leyland here. His team overcame season-long adversity to get to the World Series, only to be swept by the San Francisco Giants in four games. His response? “They beat us, they were the better team.” Even if your team did things to hurt itself, you opponent had to do some things right. Acknowledge that.
- Try to keep perspective. When emotions are running high and disappointments are crushing, it can sometimes feel like losing is the end of the world. But, of course, it’s not. Remember why you’re involved with your team in the first place. Whether it’s love for the game, the camaraderie with teammates and coaches or the atmosphere of the competition, know that those motivations aren’t going to be snuffed out by a loss.
- Focus on the takeaway lessons. Each loss should teach you something about yourself and your team. How did you help your opponent beat you? Some lessons will be more obvious or certain plays will stick out in your mind. But think about the smaller details and the intangible elements of the game. Once you pinpoint what went wrong, you can focus on improving for the future. And hopefully that will prevent future losses.